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What would you do if it happened to you?

Dear Monks, I need your help. Ive been in a relationship with my man for many years and something terrible happened for which i cannot get myself through.
He took me to the beach my favorite place to be. Our night was going so perfect. We had dinner and champagne out on the terrace overlooking the ocean waves as the sunset. The twinkling lights wrapped palm trees and I had a feeling what was about to happen. The night was moonless, we walked down to the sand almost like blindfolded.

He started to tell me how much he loved me he fell to his knees on the sand. I could barely remain standing myself as we were both in tears this moment finally came.
We are on our knees crying in the dark sand and he ask me the question, he says, "I love you, I can't live without you, will you marry me?"

I said, "Yes, If you will pray with me first?"
You see, when we first met on match, his profile said that he was "spiritual" but then later he tells me he doesn't believe in God or anything at all. I thought he loved me enough, he would at least pretend or try to pray with me...but he didn't!

He said "NO. I don't believe in God."

I started crying more, "No, you won't pray with me right now? Then I won't marry you!!!" And I pushed his hands away before the ring ever made it to my finger. The ring fell out of his hand into the darkness of the sand.

He starts freaking out about the ring crawling all over the dirt screaming, "I have to find that ring, do you know how much that ring cost?!!!"

I didn't even care about that stupid ring at that point. He made me stay there and then he comes back out with two colanders and we spent until 3 am sifting the sand. But as the tide came in...we both realized the ring was gone forever.

Forever, that is what I wanted. Eternity. But he doesn't believe in eternity or forever. I don't want to marry someone who just wants this short life, the here and now. I wanted forever.

I woke up the next morning and he was gone again. Every time we have a fight he just leaves without a note or text or anything. It seems like at the end of our lifetimes, that is how he would leave me. He will never give me forever.
My heart is broken and I don't know what to do from here.

What would you do, if it happened to you?

Asked by History Viewed by 3 monks and 3 guests
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3 answers

Hello there!

It appears this question comes from the monastery archives before the big crash six years ago. So you probably won't be notified of responses since all the contact emails were lost. Since it's been so many years, your problem was probably resolved.

I hope that when you came here, you were given compassion and some kind advice to help you through your turbulent time.

If you should happen by ...please let us know what happened. Did you stay together? Or did you find a new partner that Has the ability to connect on a deeper level?

Saewen Monk Level 5

if your moral standard is that high towards your religion, you should have been careful when you picked your boyfriend. The best way is to draw a clear line at the beginning, not to flirt nor make others fall in love with you and suddenly drawing a line afterwards. It is just to be responsible by doing that..

Wuuuuu Monk Level 3

What would I do if I were him ...

I could feel that you only concern your feeling regarding this incidence . What about his ?

you prefer him to respect your religion, but you seem not respect his choice of belief.

I would suggest you to move him by your behaviour as a Christian , if you are that loyal , rather than "threatening" him to make choice like both or none . Also try to think about why he refuses to believe , if you love him the same way, you must have known the reasons and get the solutions. Love is give and take. In reality, no one will give forever, one day they will get frustrated and leave you alone. The eternal love is about how both of you work hard to maintain the flame, it is no one's duty.

I also heard some christian girls said the same about refusing to engage to non- Christian. What's wrong with non- christians ? Are the Christians marriage-discriminating non- Christians? Or this religion is using marriage as a religious weapon ?
As this religion is not an easy belief, it also make me step back about being one.

Good luck and take it easy !

Wuuuuu Monk Level 3
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